To Spank or Not To...

Spanking is a funny topic. There are a LOT of opinions regarding this act. I grew up in a house where we were spanked. Not over everything and not all the time, but spanking was done on occasion. When Sadie was born I wasn't sure where I sat on the "spanking fence."

On very rare occasion I would spank Sadie and then hate myself afterwards. After two years of inner struggle I decided that I hated spanking and wasn't going to do it anymore. The last time I spanked Sadie I was so angry that I moved her diaper aside and hit her tush directly. It was the first time I ever hit skin directly. Usually a spank involved a tap on the diaper and a scolding. Seeing tears in my daughter's eyes because of my hand hitting her tush forced me to face the reality - spanking was not a punishment for Sadie, it was a way for me to vent my frustration in a physical way. Then and there I swore off ever using physical punishment.

My daughter is too precious to me. I adore every inch of her. Deciding not to spank was a freeing decision. Now when Sadie deserves to be punished she goes to the corner. If she really deserves a more powerful punishment, she will go into timeout in her room. When she makes me really mad I tell her - with words. "Sadie, you have made me mad. <insert reasons>" It has worked wonders in our communication.

Last week I gave Sadie a giant velvet cupcake to eat in the kitchen while I sat on the computer. When Sadie ran into the office a few minutes later I didn't think twice when I realized her arms were covered in frosting. I gave her a bath and we both went to bed. The next morning when I went back to the kitchen I was infuriated to see frosting coating two old decorative plates that were sitting on the kitchen table waiting to be hung on the wall. I was mad. Furious. I am proud to say spanking did not enter my train of thought, it wasn't even an option. Instead I looked at Sadie and told her firmly that I was very mad and needed a time out. A short time later she followed me into my bedroom and sat at the door mumbling. I looked up and asked her if she was saying sorry. She nodded eagerly and ran into my arms giving me a hug and kiss. As a non-spanking parent for several months now I am very happy with my decision.

I do not want my daughter to use violence as a means to solving her problems or venting her frustration. Recently we were in a playgroup where a little girl started to slap Sadie in the face (completely unprovoked). I was proud of my daughter for not hitting her back. Instead she stood there in shock and didn't know what to do. For several days later she would tell everyone about being hit in the face by the girl. As Sadie gets older I know she will find the words to tell the next kid to stop and she will stand up for herself politely and firmly. I'm glad that physical violence was not a solution for Sadie.