At almost 20 weeks I am starting to feel the pressure to find a doula. There was a doula I had in mind for over a year; however, when I connected with her, there was a difference in opinion regarding some important stuff so we decided to part ways. I held back tears after reading her email. She was nice and polite but the undertone was very clear, I needed to find someone else. A few hours later and I feel good about the "break-up." Ultimately we would never have worked. Our difference in opinion would have driven me crazy and probably would have eliminated my ability to relax and trust her during labor.
Now I'm back at square one. I wrote a post on the SD ICAN page requesting any recommendations for a doula. I've also gone online and googled "San Diego Doula" hoping to see a name or a picture that would appeal to me. I have a long list of doulas with prices, recommendations and my thoughts written next to each name. I am calling each doula, instead of emailing, to help me decide whether I want to continue the relationship and get to know her better.
How can I pick a doula from one meeting? Shouldn't my doula and I have to run a race together, have a sleepover, talk about our pasts, our children, our dreams before I make one of the most important decisions in my life? My doula is supposed to be my lifeline during labor. My doula is supposed to rub my back, hold my hand, tell me everything is going to be okay and help me go through the birth of my second child! Shouldn't I be best friends with my doula after the baby is born? Shouldn't I be best friends with the doula before I go into labor?
Taking all these thoughts into consideration there is one other important piece of the puzzle. I have MOMMY ISSUES. Major ones. I don't want to go into any details but suffice to say I do not always get alone with other women. I know this about myself and it worries me - will I end up liking anyone?
Meet the Blogger!
I'm a mom. A writer. A lover of good fantasy. A proponent of nursing when possible. A birth advocate. I am absolutely horrible at keeping my house clean or the dishes washed or the laundry done. I strongly believe in women having a positive birth. When we start to respect women's rights to birth the way they want, we can start to treat women as equal people in this world.
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