I am crazy stressed.
I feel overwhelmingly overwhelmed.
Completely over my head.
We are going to Israel in February for six months.
This should be something to dance a jig over, I get it. It should be one of the most exciting things I've ever done.
Instead, I feel stressed to the max.
I need to fix my house, I need to find amazing renters, I need to pack my house and put it in storage, I need to get passports, paperwork, rent a house in Israel, figure out health insurance, find a preschool for Sadie, find friends for me, keep this house reasonably clean for prospective tenants, and give up my dog Emma. We got lucky and found an amazing forever home for her, but I am going to miss her.
Sadie has also started preschool. We have gone from never being sick to dealing with something every week.
Last Thursday at 2:30am I jumped out of bed and caught Sadie throwing up. (Motherhood has given me bat-like hearing. I literally heard her gagging and ran into her room as she threw up cat barf.) I carried her to the bathroom where she continued to vomit on the floor and in the toilet. Logan and I let her sleep with us where she vomited a few more times; thankfully I caught her just as she was starting and Logan was able to run with her to the bathroom and get her to finish in the toilet.
Today I was at the DMV (trying to wrap up my official last name change and get my passport ready for our trip) when Aaron started to throw up. I was at the DMV for an hour and forty minutes and my number was the fifth one in the G series. He threw up on the floor twice and then started to get upset. I hugged him and then he threw up all over me, down my chest and people were making crazy noises "oooohhhh.ahhhh.iilllll" Someone got up and brought me paper towels to clean up the floor while I continued to soothe Aaron and act nonchalantly about the whole thing. After he was done throwing up he behaved normally so I decided to finish what I was doing there in the first place. I asked the lady working in the front if they could take me earlier because my baby threw up and she asked me why I would bring my sick baby to the dmv. I, naturally, was offended and replied ", uhhh he wasn't sick when I came here... i wouldn't bring a sick baby here obviously." Some guy felt bad for me and gave me his number ("i've got two kids of my own, I understand" he said to me with compassion). It was one ahead of mine but I took it and was grateful. Some people gave me the side eye for staying but Aaron didn't have a fever and I was covered in vomit consisting primarily of breast milk so it wasn't so bad. We came home and he threw up at the door, near my computer, all over me several more times until I finally called the doctor who told me to stop feeding him and giving him stuff to drink. I was petrified he was going to have dehydration issues but realized three hours of not eating and drinking were not going to send us to the hospital! When I told Sadie we needed to avoid giving Aaron anything to drink for thirty minutes she told me I was wrong and he was going to be hungry. That's my yiddusha-madela.
We have gone from fevers, to runny noses, to coughing, to sore throats, to throwing up... it's been a month. I'm feeling overwhelmed with all the diseases we are handling. Somewhere in between all those things I need to get them flu shots to protect them from the real nasty bugs flying around.
Also, around three months ago we did the cry it out method with Aaron. It took nearly a week and it was agony. It lasted for maybe a week. Now he wakes up several times a night crying. At first I would nurse him every time he woke up but two weeks ago I decided to night wean him between the hours of 10 pm and 5am. Now Logan has to go in and give him a binkie and comfort him repeatedly through the night. We continue to get poor, inconsistent sleep. I have tried keeping him in my bed but he does not sleep well in my bed either. It seems we are doomed to never sleep a solid 8 hours a night ever again. When I hear of other babies who sleep through the night I am overwhelmed with jealousy. I lie to myself and say the next one will sleep through the night.
I also had to quit playing guitar and stop taking lessons. Aaron went from sleeping a lot during the day to only sleeping in the stroller or car seat. Otherwise my hands are occupied holding Aaron or tying to get something done around the house. I feel like a failed housekeeper, I cannot keep this house clean.
So, this is an update, a journal entry and my way of introducing the next crazy stage in our life - HALVAH - err, I mean ISRAEL.
Meet the Blogger!
I'm a mom. A writer. A lover of good fantasy. A proponent of nursing when possible. A birth advocate. I am absolutely horrible at keeping my house clean or the dishes washed or the laundry done. I strongly believe in women having a positive birth. When we start to respect women's rights to birth the way they want, we can start to treat women as equal people in this world.
Sites I Value