I have a confession to make. My children don't have a sleep schedule. Or a life schedule. Or any kind of schedule at all. Everyday is different.
I used to relish the freedom.
I am beginning to see the wisdom in having my kids wake up at the same time every day, nap the same time and go to bed at the same time. I think this is what people call "routine."
I am craving routine. Month after month of Sadie deciding to go to sleep somewhere between 9 and 11pm - and then wake up whenever she wants to, is starting to take its toll. I am exhausted mentally and emotionally. There never is any downtime in my life.
About three months ago I started taking guitar lessons. Between two kids, cooking, laundry and washing dishes it is almost impossible to find ten minutes a day to practice guitar. There is always someone demanding something from me.
I think that's the hardest part about being a parent. Okay, the hardest hurdle is the sleep deprivation torture that occurs for the first year to two years. That is grueling. Sadie didn't sleep for the first two years of her life. My husband and I finally began to sleep through the night once she weaned at 17 months. Well, that's not really true. We started sleeping through the night once she moved out of our bed... when Aaron moved in.
Aaron spent the first three months sleeping 4-5 hours in his swing and then the early morning hours in my bed. Typically he would wake up twice for 30-45 minutes and nurse and then he would sleep soundly again. Upon second thought I am realizing my husband started sleeping through the night once ninja Sadie stopped sleeping next to him but I don't think I have had a solid 8 hours of sleep since I became pregnant with my first. That is truly a crazy thought to me. No wonder my face is melting before I have even hit 30.
I think with the next kid, I am going to have him or her sleep in the crib at night. I am starting to really resent our current sleeping arrangement. Sadie will only go to sleep at night if someone is in the room with her; otherwise she cries and yells from the room for an hour or so. Her mattress is on the floor right next to our mattress and Aaron's crib is in place of a side-rail on the other side of the bed. There is no space from the kids.
I know, we decided to have children. I love my children. But my goals and my dreams are sidelined completely by any lack of structure in my life. I'm feeling a very strong need to develop my writing. I have wanted to write a book since I realized I could be a writer. I think I can love my children and still have them nap and go to bed at a consistent time.
I don't know how to do it but I will try. My sanity deserves it.
Meet the Blogger!
I'm a mom. A writer. A lover of good fantasy. A proponent of nursing when possible. A birth advocate. I am absolutely horrible at keeping my house clean or the dishes washed or the laundry done. I strongly believe in women having a positive birth. When we start to respect women's rights to birth the way they want, we can start to treat women as equal people in this world.
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