I'm 31 weeks tomorrow. Every Friday I am one more week closer to my estimated due date. Would you blame me if I told you every day I wake up thinking it's Friday? This pregnancy feels like it's lasting forever.
I HAVE BEEN PREGNANT FOREVER.
Here's the thing about pregnancy. As much as you want it to be over with, you really really really don't want to mess with the system. That baby is supposed to incubate for at least 37 weeks. Ideally 40 weeks to guarantee mature lungs and fully developed baby. This is when the lesson in patience comes up.
At 9 weeks when I am throwing up and not keeping anything down, I'm over it. At 10 weeks when it's been almost two weeks of throwing up everything and hating my life, I really am over it. At 20 weeks when I continue to lay in bed, throw up everything, take Zofran twice a day and hate my life, I can't believe I am only half way through.
Some mothers are fine once they hit their second trimester - I am one of those moms that continues to feel sick until she gives birth. Thankfully I haven't thrown up since my fifth month; however, every time I get in the car the all pervasive need to throw up haunts me.
Patience. Now at 31 weeks I feel like I've swallowed a watermelon that is imploding in my system. Heartburn visits me several times a week. The sciatic pain I had with Sadie has come to visit. The skin on my belly is stretched to the max despite the fact I have almost two more months to go. Where will the baby go?
And then, despite all of this crap, I really want to hold my baby already. Nine months, 40 weeks, in theory, is a short period of time. For my heart it feels like forever. When he kicks me as I eat, sleep, drive, try to sex up my husband I feel his little feet and I want to hold him so badly. I want my baby. I want to know he came out and he's healthy and I'm healthy and we're done with the really scary part, birth. Again, I have to be patient.
Since Sadie was a C-Section and I'm attempting a VBAC there is a small, tiny percentage chance that things won't work out. That the baby in my heart won't grow up with me. It scares the hell out of me. I pray constantly for a healthy vaginal delivery and a healthy baby. I pray my heart out. I make deals - yes, this pregnancy is tough, but make my birth easy. God doesn't work on that system but I try anyway.
I'm not naturally a patient person. When I start a book if the suspense is too intense I skip to the ending. I like to know what to expect. I manage surprises poorly. Waiting patiently for 40 weeks is driving me nuts. I can't do anything (nor do I really want to) to change the system - I have to remember to be patient. Patience. I won't mention again how having the kid is the real lesson in patience.Okay, maybe I did. Be patient with me, I am pregnant.
Meet the Blogger!
I'm a mom. A writer. A lover of good fantasy. A proponent of nursing when possible. A birth advocate. I am absolutely horrible at keeping my house clean or the dishes washed or the laundry done. I strongly believe in women having a positive birth. When we start to respect women's rights to birth the way they want, we can start to treat women as equal people in this world.
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