Last night Logan and I spent an hour trying to figure out what we were going to wear as Sadie shrieked and moaned and demanded attention in the background. I tried on my new brown dress and found it to be too sexy for the occasion. Then I tried on my pink dress and again found it to be asking for too much attention. I finally decided on an outfit that wasn't too provocative and Logan decided on a shirt that he felt good in and we were on our way to my parents' house to drop off Sadie.
As we drove to the nightclub Logan asked me several times if Sadie was in the car. This was the second time in 13 months that we had left her with anyone and went on a date alone. The first time was about a month ago. So we are not used to only having two in the car. It is very strange to relate to one another without a child demanding attention in the background. Logan and I could actually talk to one another. I think we spoke about Sadie.
At the club we were assaulted by loud techno music and a plume of smoke coming from the patrons standing outside drinking and smoking themselves into oblivion. I gave the birthday boys hugs and big smiles and went searching for my best friend who was as happy to see me as I was happy to see her.
The two of us used to go clubbing every weekend together many years ago and we were very familiar with the rules of the club. I left Logan with his friends and grabbed my best friend and we walked to the dance floor giggling like school girls at the rare occasion of partying together.
After a few minutes of dancing we both became bored and restless. Neither of us were drinking last night - the dirty dance floor, loud obnoxious music and drunk people examining each other were blatantly obvious and old hat.
I realized last night that I would have much rather gone to a nice restaurant, ordered a meal, shared a bottle of wine and spent three hours conversing instead of packing myself into a room full of drunk strangers and avoiding all eye contact.
An hour and a half later Logan and I made eye contact, knowingly looking at one another and without words deciding it was time to go home. As we drove home I thought about Sadie, my sleeping bear, and I couldn't wait to see her. Two hours after dropping her off I was at my parents' house and I embraced her and kissed her face repeatedly.
I don't know if I lost my party-girl persona for good and I'm not sure I really care if I did. Perhaps that part of me has grown and matured into something less wild. Maybe motherhood has tamed me afterall?
Meet the Blogger!
I'm a mom. A writer. A lover of good fantasy. A proponent of nursing when possible. A birth advocate. I am absolutely horrible at keeping my house clean or the dishes washed or the laundry done. I strongly believe in women having a positive birth. When we start to respect women's rights to birth the way they want, we can start to treat women as equal people in this world.
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