Thanks for Having My Back

It's difficult to know what you can and cannot control in terms of your child. How can you protect your child from everything - even the things you can't anticipate?

Yesterday my husband came home and parked in a different part of the driveway. My daughter, at my full consent, went running after her father screaming and happy. Dadda was home. As Sadie ran I noticed that my husband might be backing up and I yelled at her to stop. She stopped. However, I didn't realize that the car she stopped behind had someone in it who was backing up.

I don't quite remember what happened. My husband told me that I yelled out, causing the driver to stop and I successfully grabbed Sadie. He also said the driver of the car had been waving at him before she backed up. I feel like the recipient of a miracle.

It's hard not to play the what-if game. What if the driver didn't hear me? What if the driver would have pressed her gas pedal accidentally? The what-ifs eat me up inside. I feel horribly guilty  that I almost saw my daughter die yesterday. I don't know how to process that fact.

I immediately thanked God for protecting my daughter. How can I forgive myself for not protecting her well enough? How could I not see the driver in the other car? How do I live with the fact I almost lost my daughter yesterday? I feel like such an idiot. I hate myself for not being vigilant enough.  I am not perfect.

It's a good lesson to remember. No matter how hard I try, how much I care, God is out there protecting my child from dangers I can't anticipate. And maybe I should spend less time hating myself for my momentary lapse in judgement and spend that time thanking God for having my back.