It's difficult to know what you can and cannot control in terms of your child. How can you protect your child from everything - even the things you can't anticipate?
Yesterday my husband came home and parked in a different part of the driveway. My daughter, at my full consent, went running after her father screaming and happy. Dadda was home. As Sadie ran I noticed that my husband might be backing up and I yelled at her to stop. She stopped. However, I didn't realize that the car she stopped behind had someone in it who was backing up.
I don't quite remember what happened. My husband told me that I yelled out, causing the driver to stop and I successfully grabbed Sadie. He also said the driver of the car had been waving at him before she backed up. I feel like the recipient of a miracle.
It's hard not to play the what-if game. What if the driver didn't hear me? What if the driver would have pressed her gas pedal accidentally? The what-ifs eat me up inside. I feel horribly guilty that I almost saw my daughter die yesterday. I don't know how to process that fact.
I immediately thanked God for protecting my daughter. How can I forgive myself for not protecting her well enough? How could I not see the driver in the other car? How do I live with the fact I almost lost my daughter yesterday? I feel like such an idiot. I hate myself for not being vigilant enough. I am not perfect.
It's a good lesson to remember. No matter how hard I try, how much I care, God is out there protecting my child from dangers I can't anticipate. And maybe I should spend less time hating myself for my momentary lapse in judgement and spend that time thanking God for having my back.
Meet the Blogger!
I'm a mom. A writer. A lover of good fantasy. A proponent of nursing when possible. A birth advocate. I am absolutely horrible at keeping my house clean or the dishes washed or the laundry done. I strongly believe in women having a positive birth. When we start to respect women's rights to birth the way they want, we can start to treat women as equal people in this world.
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