I made a promise to myself to start blogging more frequently.
Usually I am writing 1-2 posts a week that are deep and meaningful. Those are wonderful and certainly an aspect of my identity. However, my days are also filled with ridiculous funny things and often mundane moments.
Either way, I've promised myself to write more. To put up more pictures. To interact more with this place.
So here goes.
We are going to Israel for the high holidays. We are EXCITED. I've also been a wreck emotionally all day yesterday. In the past few weeks I've accumulated picture frames, a mirror and a bathroom cabinet all waiting to be hung by my lovely husband. Our weekends have been packed with social engagements and simchas. Our weekday evenings consist of Logan working late and not having time to help. Today we are going away for a few days because Logan has a work commitment in Palm Springs. Yesterday evening was the night Logan was going to hang everything. Logan didn't know this was the plan. He calls me an hour before coming home and tells me he wants to go out with his brother for some beers.
I pretend I'm cool with it. I don't want to be "that wife." He comes home and I try to act cool. I try to pretend that I was not completely disappointed that Logan wasn't helping me at home. But, I'm really bad at pretending. I was absolutely butt hurt. At 10pm when I'm trying to get into bed because I'm tired Logan gets the hint (my inability to engage him in any conversation and repeated mentions of stuff that needs to be hung might have helped with the hint) and decides to hang the mirror in the bathroom. At this point I'm in a horrible mood. Really, really bad mood. I definitely yelled at him and the mirror and the office and wanted to kill everyone. Sadie was driving me nuts turning the lights on and off in the room as I was trying to sleep. We ended up hanging the mirror. I now have a mirror in the bathroom that is too small for the space, is level but doesn't look like it's hung right. And the picture frame that Logan hung beside the mirror wasn't hung evenly with the towel holder. (Did I mention the frame taking 20 minutes just to be hung because it has these crazy little hook nail thingies that make it super difficult to hang. Oh and once we hung the frame the damn photo in the frame slipped down so we were forced to take the frame down and fix the picture and then try to hang it again.) I'm insane about things being "even" so I had him take it down and I decided we will hang something easier there.
Did I mention Sadie turning the lights on and off in the bathroom nonstop as we're trying to hang these things? It took a lot of willpower to not attack the both of them.
This morning I continued to feel totally stressed out about my house not looking perfect. I couldn't get it. Since when is there such an emergency? And then it hit me.
Logan and I have been talking about getting pregnant again. We were thinking Israel would be a wonderful place to start trying. Well, I've had it in my head that my house has to be PERFECT before we get pregnant. That bathroom that needs to be finished? Well, it needs to be finished. All the artwork has to be hung. MY HOUSE HAS TO BE PERFECT.
I called Logan and told him what was going on. As much as I want another baby, I'm not really ready. The idea freaks me out. I'm not sure if you're ever really ready for another baby once you've had one. There is a certain intensity to children that is overwhelming.
Meet the Blogger!
I'm a mom. A writer. A lover of good fantasy. A proponent of nursing when possible. A birth advocate. I am absolutely horrible at keeping my house clean or the dishes washed or the laundry done. I strongly believe in women having a positive birth. When we start to respect women's rights to birth the way they want, we can start to treat women as equal people in this world.
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