Baby Wearing

I love baby wearing! I really do. Aaron likes to be held but he is also content to sleep in his swing. I'm the one who needs to hold him. I love seeing his face only 6 inches from mine. His breath - sweet smell of mother's milk on his tongue. His pursed lips, his perfect nostrils, his hands resting comfortably on my chest. Every once in a while a sigh escapes his lips.

After Aaron was born I decided to hold him less than I held his big sister. I laid him on his back in the cosleeper and left the room. I spent about a week only holding Aaron when he was awake or crying; if he was resting I would put him down. This behavior left a pit in my stomach. It depressed me. I missed my child.

We co-slept with Sadie and only got her out of our bed after Aaron joined the family. We also didn't sleep through the night until I weaned Sadie at 17 months. I was desperate to not repeat the mistakes we made with Sadie. Consulting with friends who do not baby wear I left Aaron to sleep on his own. I can't regain the hours of bonding I missed the first week of his life. I mourn that missed time.

Now that I'm healed at 6 weeks postpartum and wearing Aaron does not hurt my pelvic region, I am wearing him all day. I carry him in my Moby, in my Ergo and in my babysling. Holding Aaron close to my chest brings me great joy. Perhaps for him it doesn't matter, but for me, it is a way to bask in the glory of a newborn while being present for my two year old.