I have started reading "Birthing From Within" by Pam England. As this is a birth preparation book largely based on working through your feelings, I am assuming I will be working through some of my birth stuff on my blog.
In the first couple of pages the book discusses the importance of accepting death as part of the birth process. Before labor there is an element of accepting that death is a possibility. However, during labor, when the pain is so intense that you separate mentally from the physical there is a certain freedom in accepting and surrendering to death.
I didn't have a vaginal delivery. I don't know what it is like to push and cry and release my child from my womb. Yet when I lay on the OR table being prepped for my C section and I screamed with pain from horrible never ending contractions I almost wanted to die. Even after I had asked the doctor whether I was going to die (he assured me I wasn't) and I held his hand as tears blurred my vision, I wanted the pain to end. When they placed the mask on my face to put me to sleep I was grateful. The relief from the pain, the relief from having to care felt like death. I cannot say I accepted death but I was eager to surrender to nothingness.
It's been over two years and I'm expecting another baby. Another delivery. Similar to last time I do not feel like accepting death. I don't want to die. I don't want the baby within me to die.
Perhaps accepting death really means accepting fate?
Meet the Blogger!
I'm a mom. A writer. A lover of good fantasy. A proponent of nursing when possible. A birth advocate. I am absolutely horrible at keeping my house clean or the dishes washed or the laundry done. I strongly believe in women having a positive birth. When we start to respect women's rights to birth the way they want, we can start to treat women as equal people in this world.
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