A Moment of Awe

I was at the grocery store with Sadie a few days ago when a little girl in a shopping cart repeated in an excited voice to her mother, "baby mommy, baby." She was pointing at me. I immediately felt tears threatening to spill down my face. Emotions of love and longing and joy overwhelmed me. The past year of cleansing my body, becoming pregnant and living a pure life all led to a purpose. There was a baby inside of me.

                             In me. A baby. Life. Such a blessing.

I am at the stage of pregnancy when I really look pregnant - there is no way around it. My belly protrudes into the world. My belly button has popped and fresh new stretchmarks etch my skin. My secret is now open for public consumption.

The child within me is making his mark in the world. His presence affects those around him. Although no one can see his eyes or his fingers or his toes, they know him. His entity is only understood through the round hard shape attached to my form. He is known through association. He lives. He breathes. He exists.

His presence in my womb solidifies my small role in the universe. I give him the gift of life and he gives me the gift of creating. His life, although dependent on mine, is separate. From the moment I will release him from my body we will begin a dance of separation. He will grow and push away and then return and push away again until one day he becomes an adult and fully embraces independence. We will cling and we will separate. We will repeat history. We will live.

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